Movie Review (Rental. . .?): Antichrist (the movie you will wish you never saw)

Antichrist
Synopsis: grieving parents get therapy in the woods. Things get really weird. . .
Grade: I don't know. . .

First off let me say. . .I'm baaaaaack!!!
I gave myself a hiatus but I will try to update this as much as possible (since two people requested I do so.) So, here I am, reviewing the mind f*ck that is Lars Von Trier's "Antichrist".
This movie is like a trainwreck. Those of you who have heard about this movie have probably heard about how disturbing it is. It is labeled as very "explicit" with nudity, sexual situation, and violence. So, naturally, our minds go "well, how bad is it?" We know what we're about to see will be disturbing but yet we can't look away. I will do my best to warn you to stay away from this movie but I have a feeling my disgust with it will further your curiosity. Enter at your own risk. (Kind of like the viral video "Two Girls and One Cup". . .)
Within a minute of watching Antichrist, during the opening credits, you will see full on penetration. Yes. Full on penetration. Cock and balls. Penetrating. Less than a minute into the movie. (I burst out laughing.) A child also dies (this is not a spoiler so don't get mad at me.) Then the psychiatrist husband (played by Willem Dafoe) takes his depressed wife (Charlotte Gainsbourg) to a cabin in the woods to "treat" her. They have a lot of sex. A lot. Sex. It's very uncomfortable to watch. Then the wife goes crazy. Things get really weird. The last thing she does will physically pain you if you watch it. I can usually handle violent images but I had to shut my eyes when *this* was happening. It's messed up. It tops the "brain" scene in Hannibal (you know what I'm talking about. . .)
So. . .I don't know. Watch at your own risk if your curious. But you will hate yourself for it if you go there.

Movie Review (Theatrical): Michael Jackson's This Is It (the unfortunate fate. . .)

Michael Jackson's
This Is It Synopsis: a biopic of the rehearsal's behind the "This Is It" tour. . Grade: A+

I don't think you need to be a fan to enjoy what this movie has to offer. If you are a creative individual who appreciates art in all forms then you need to take on this experience. Take away the accusations. Take away the fact that he's. . .strange. Take away the fact that you don't really like pop music. Take in the fact that this was the hardest working man in show business. Take in the fact that he loved what he was doing. Take in the fact that he put so much creativity into what he was hoping would be the greatest show ever performed on stage. Take in the fact that, had he not passed, he would have succeeded. I sat in awe watching this man try to perfect every move, every note, and every cue. I also watched a man who wanted his fellow dancers, singers, and musicians to have their moment in the spotlight as well. This would have been a concert filled with flawless dance moves, spectacular settings, and FX videos to enhance this concert experience. I sat and wished. . .fate should have given him just a little bit longer because this was a show that needed to go on. The curtain call was too soon.

Movie Review (Theatrical vs. Rental): Monsters!!!

Halloween is on it's way so the scary movies are coming out of the woodwork. Let's face it - most current horror movies are pretty disappointing. But two did not disappoint. Here are two movies you can check out to add to the enjoyement of All Hallows Eve:

Zombieland (2009)
Synopsis: Zombies have taken over the world. Only a few have survived. . .
Grade: A-

Instead of laughing at a horror movie done wrong, laugh at one that wants you to laugh! Zombieland is a fun ride that teaches us how to survive when the world is overrun by a zombie outbreak. Woody Harrelson leads this film as an expert zombie killer/survivor and he's perfect. He seems to know exactly when to take a break from acting and which roles will remind us of his talent. He is also teamed with young up-and-comers who I think we'll see around for a while: Jesse Eisenberg, Emma Stone, and Abigail Breslin. Mix talent, a well written comedy, a funny cameo, and zombies and you get a great, fun movie!

Trick R Treat (2008)
Synopsis: A series of scary stories within a small town on Halloween
Grade: A-

Kudos to Michael Dougherty - the writer and director of Trick R Treat. He took a concept we haven't seen in a while and brought us back to the compilation film. I remember enjoying films such as Cat's Eye and Tales from the Darkside which compiled short films into one movie. That's what Trick R Treat is. Four horror stories tied together in one town on Halloween. It's very clever, very fun, and pieced together well. The writer/director also knows that a straight up horror is difficult to do so if you want to make you're movie enjoyable to the audience throw in some laughable moments. Definitely rent this movie one night around Halloween. It will be a great way to celebrate!

Movie Review (Theatrical vs. Rental): Marriage the right way. . .

It's the battle of the married couples. What's the best route to go when it comes to marital bliss? An exotic retreat mixed with couples counseling or blackmailing your assistant into marrying you so you can stay in the country? Let's find out:

Couples Retreat (2009)
Synopsis: a couple drags their married friends to a resort for a discount on couples therapy
Grade: C

Want to know the most interesting thing about this movie? Ralphie from A Christmas Story directed it. Other than that this movie is just. . .okay. There are some good, laugh-out-loud moments (the yoga instructor got some laughs out of me) and it has some touching moments but it still lacked something. I wasn't "wowed" by it. I felt like it could have given me more but I don't know what that "more" was. But. . .it did give me the desire to go on a resort vacation!

The Proposal (2009)
Synopsis: a Canadian wants to stay in the USA and she's willing to marry her assistant who she doesn't get along with (or does she. . .?)
Grade: B

I rented this movie expecting some mindless fun with some "Sandra Bullock romantic comedy schtick" but I was pleasantly surprised. I really got into this film. It's got a predtictable storyline - Canadian hot shot is about to get deported but she doesn't want to lose her job so she says she's going to marry her assistant and she digs herself more and more into a hole as she jets off to Alaska to meet his family and then she falls in love with the family and the guy but when the lie is revealed she leaves but the guy realizes he fell in love with her so he goes after her and they live happily ever after. Don't get mad if I spoiled the movie because we all know that's how it goes. There was something more to this movie and I'll thank Ryan Reynolds for that. He's very charming and connected well with his fellow actors. I found myself more intrigued by his relationship with his parents than the relationship with Sandra Bullock. For a rom-com this is definitely worth a watch.

Movie Review (Theatrical): Paranormal Activity (one of the scariest movies I've ever seen!)

It's been a while. Laziness overtook my body again. Saw quite a few movies but didn't have it in me to review them. Some were good, some were even great, and some were just awful. I'll give you a rundown after this because I do need to review a movie that was such a cut above the rest it begged to be reviewed:

Paranormal Activity
Synopsis: a couple tries to catch a recording of a ghost that haunts their home
Grade: A+

When going into this movie you will think to yourself "didn't I already see this movie? And wasn't it called The Blair Witch Project? Been there, done that!" Oh. . .but you haven't been there. And you haven't done that. Because this movie is better and A LOT scarier. You see a young couple walking around their home with a home video camera. The video shakes a bit. They crack bad jokes at each other. And then they go to bed and the night vision is on. And then the movie magic happens and you are scared. Every thump and every creak of the door will put you on the edge of your seat or grabbing the arm of the person next to you (even if that person is a stranger.) Every time the night vision goes on the scares get more intense. I can't tell you more. This is a ride you need to go on and you need to go on it in the theater. Noises at night will never be the same again.

Now for the list of movies recently seen that qualify under GREAT, GOOD, and DON'T BOTHER

GREAT
Pandorum

GOOD
Gamer
Whiteout
Surrogates (actually, this is between GOOD and DON'T BOTHER.)


DON'T BOTHER
Jennifer's Body
Sorority Row

Movie Review (Theatrical Releases): The Alphabet Version

Okay. . .I've got four movies up for review. A perfect string of of alphabetic letters. This review is a dream for an OCD person such as myself! Though. . .I will not be perfecting it by adding poster images today because I'm feeling lazy again. It happens. . .
Here we go:

Inglorious Basterds (2009)
Synopsis: Killin' Natzis!!
Grade: A

Oh Quentin. . .how I love thee! Your intelligent banter. Your eye for suspense and discomfort. Your mix of humor and violence. Your movies are a treasure to me and this is your "masterpiece". I know Pulp Fiction put you on the map and is a historic film but. . .I just may like this one better! And Brad Pitt's "attempt at Italian" was one of the funniest things I've ever seen in a movie! I wish I could give more specific examples about why I love this movie but I fear giving away important bits of information and spoiling the movie. It's simply a ride that must be taken without knowing too much about it.

Extract (2009)
Synopsis: Life, love, and work as told by Mike Judge
Grade: B

Another film where if you like the work of the director then it won't disappoint you. Extract comes to us from the guy who brought us Office Space - a movie we've all related to at some point in our lives. Extract is not that different. It stars the best "straight man" we have right now (Jason Bateman). His reactions to the "shenanigans" that happen around him are funnier than some of the actual lines. And Ben Affleck is great as his bartender/stoner buddy who gives "priceless advice" when it comes to Bateman's marital problems. Affleck may not be the best leading man but he always shines in his supporting roles and I think this is one of his best. Mostly because he looked like he had a lot of fun playing this character. Very enjoyable and very funny!

All About Steve (2009)
Synopsis: A mixed signal during a blind date sends a girl on an adventure to get the man of her dreams. . .
Grade: C

This movie, though not "great", is not bad either. It has some funny moments and some very touching moments. Sandra Bullock actually does a wonderful job in this movie playing Mary - a girl who's just misunderstood. She's super-smart but her good qualities are overshadowed by her quirky behavior. I'll even admit (though it's kind of embarrassing) that I can somewhat relate to Mary's character. I may have even enjoyed this movie a bit more if I didn't feel it was too "rushed". I felt like they tried to cover a lot of ground in a short period of time and I felt some character development got lost in that. Bullock was the only captivating and interesting one. But I think she's worth watching in this one.

The Final Destination (2009)
Synopsis: Death finds a way. This time in 3D.
Grade: D

The 3D aspect of this movie was the only thing that kept me from giving it an F. It's the worst of the series. Ummm. . .I don't know. . .there's not much else to say with this one. It follows the formula of the other three but kind of rushes some of the "death scenes" in which it's the art of suspense that makes us watch this series in the first place. And I think those of us that watch the Final Destination movies are kind of done with it. We've seen it. We get it. Let's move on.

Movie Review (Theatrical): The Goods

The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard!
Synopsis: "Ari Gold" saves a car dealership from going out of business. . . Grade: B

Do you like to laugh? More specifically, do you like to laugh at potty humor? Do you like funny references to other movies? And, most importantly, do you love Entourage and is Ari Gold your favorite character? Then you'll really enjoy The Goods! I laughed out loud so many times during this movie and even had to look around during some of the jokes I was laughing at because I wasn't sure if it was appropriate (this movie actually makes pedophilia kinda funny. . .) So, if you want to take 90 minutes and have a mindless good time then I recommend this movie.